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Welcome to my thoughts, I hope you'll think they're nice.

Living With a 

Broken Heart

Everyone has one (or two) things about them that are just a little different than everyone else. My “thing” just happens to be my heart. 

 

I’m not a very serious person- I make jokes about pretty much everything, especially when it’s about me, so I’m kind of surprising myself sitting down and actually writing this. When something feels “off,” I typically stick to the basic “I just don’t feel good” line. I never really elaborate on what’s really wrong with me. I have something called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome which is caused by me having Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia, a type of heart arrhythmia. Basically, my heart beats really, really fast. 

 

I spent years “just not feeling good.” I spent years coming up with excuses to cancel plans because I couldn’t stand to go anywhere. I spent years feeling like I hadn’t slept in weeks. I spent years wondering why my heart did that “funny thing” sometimes. I spent years downplaying how I really felt.

 

It started as a stomach ache. A stomach ache turned Celiac Disease - turned year round sickness - turned dairy allergy - turned heart that beats 120+ laying down. It didn’t make sense. It got really bad. It was depressing to deal with. My own body was preventing me from living like a normal person. I couldn’t eat anything without getting sick and I couldn’t do anything without feeling like I had just run a marathon with the flu. I felt like I was broken.

 

It took almost four years to finally figure out what was causing all of these problems - my heart. My heart races no matter what I do, my blood pressure goes from high to low whenever it feels like it, and the room spins a few times a day. To make a long story short, when my heart was forming, it didn’t wire itself the right way. The heart’s electrical signals are supposed to start at the sinoatrial node, send signals all around, and in turn tell the heart to beat. My heart decided it did not want to be told to beat this way (I'm starting to think I got my personality from my heart). My heart inappropriately signals the nerves that increase the heart beat, and the nerves in my heart that are supposed to lower the heart’s rate do not work the way they should. IST is actually pretty rare. Fact: It’s also more common in females. 

 

My mom once told me that your test is your testimony. She told me this when I was crying because of how “broken” my body was. Not being able to control your body is a really difficult thing to accept. I would try so hard to do the simplest things, and my body would just not respond. I felt incapable and helpless. 

 

Funny story, I take the same heart medicine as my grandparents! Is that what you would call a small world? 

 

It’s been a long road learning to accept myself the way I am, and I don't think I'm even done walking that road. I eat as clean as possible (if you count a whole box of Trader Joe's Gluten Free Joe-Joe's clean), workout as often as I can, and take more naps than a newborn. I’m still learning to manage all the things that come along with my heart complications, and I think that will always be a learning process for me. 

 

All of this has taught me the importance of taking care of myself. That means a lot of different things. Having a personalized self-care routine is so important for everyone. Figure out what you can do on a daily basis to just make yourself happier. For me, that means saying no sometimes and staying in to rest. I love taking baths and reading a little before bed. I always use a body oil before I finally crawl in bed, and apply lavender essential oil to help me sleep. (Tip: the Olly Sleep Vitamins are my favorite too!). 

 

All of this is just to say: take care of yourself. No matter what you see that’s “broken,” it’s all just a testimony. God has made you this way or made you feel this way for a reason. Maybe you're the one that will help someone get through the same thing you're dealing with one day. Everything physical, mental, emotional, and relational are all just a small part of your bigger story. 

Alexa,

play...list

What I Love to Listen To

Today feels like a good day to talk about music. Not just any songs, but the songs that keep me pushing through work and the week.

If you asked me if I could have only one talent, what would it be, I would tell you I wanted to sing. Just because I can't sing, doesn't mean that I don't.  When I'm home alone, you already know that I'm belting out "Shallow" like I am Lady Gaga.

 

 âž© I tell myself, "If my dad can sing, then I can't be that bad."

 

Enough with me making myself feel better.

 

When I find a song that I really really like, I listen to it on repeat for a week or two. Eventually, I start acting like a normal person and listen to other things too. This playlist is filled with those songs so I can keep the whole playlist on repeat instead of just one song (genius).

 

LANY is one of my all time favorite bands. Their music is so fun and so chill at the same time. Definitely the best concert I've been to, it had me falling even more in love with their music.

 

 

 

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LANY 2016

I'm not ashamed to say that I am one of those girls that goes crazy over boy bands. One Direction -- loved them (still upset that Zayn ruined everything). 5 Seconds of Summer -- another top ranking concert for me. Don't even get me started on Shawn Mendes.

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5SOS 2016

Here's some songs to make you bop and some songs to make you sway. Enjoy â˜» 

 

Your Body Wants to be Happy

 technical to tangible

What are happiness hormones and how to increase their production.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 

Happy girls are the prettiest girls.

Money can't buy happiness. 

 

The sooner we understand where happiness really comes from, the sooner we will realize that are so many ways to take (almost) total control over the way we feel.

 

Our bodies have these things called neurotransmitters, and they are constantly evaluating our surroundings and determining what to signal our brain to release. There are four "happiness hormones," for lack of a better term. Dopamine, endorphins, serotonin, and oxytocin all influence how we feel in different ways. 

 

Dopamine is sometimes called the "happiness drug", but that's not a totally accurate nickname. Dopamine actually makes us feel anticipation more than happiness. This neurochemical is involved in reward, motivation, and memory. When we experience bliss from a situation, dopamine is released by the brain. When dopamine is released into our body, we become more motivated to continue whatever experience that rewarded us that bliss. Our brain is also more likely to remember something that triggered a release of dopamine. Let's say you were running a marathon (go you). As soon as you see the finish line, your brain is going to release a crazy amount of dopamine, pushing you to keep going so you will gain your reward. 

 

There are a few more nicknames for oxytocin than the other happiness hormones. Oxytocin can be called the "social drug" because of its relational properties, the "bonding hormone" because of the way it bonds a mother to her newborn child, or the "love hormone" because when in love, the production of oxytocin skyrockets. Oxytocin is produced in the forebrain hypothalamus and is secreted into the bloodstream based on neuron activity in the brain. When our brain senses love or trustworthiness, it begins the release of oxytocin. We have evolved to save oxytocin for our closest relationships because most people (I hope) believe that bonding with an untrustworthy counterpart would be unfavorable.

 

In the moments where you feel the most dominant, take a step back and realize that it's just the serotonin talking. Serotonin is also called the "power drug." Serotonin levels rise when we feel like we've gained power, but fall when we submit or avoid conflict. Our brain is constantly weighing the risk of winning versus standing down, and this is why serotonin is the body's regulating neurochemical. 

 

And then we have endorphins, the exercise hormone- more like the "masking drug." Endorphins are the body's natural morphine. When the brain senses that we feel pain, endorphins begin to kick in. Ever heard of a runner's high? Well, it's a real thing (the only thing I feel when running is winded).

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Our bodies produce these hormones naturally, but there are ways to kick it up a notch. 

 

Increasing Dopamine Production 

1. Go to bed.

The body naturally produces the highest amount of dopamine in the morning to wake itself up, and throughout the day production slows in preparation to fall asleep. A lack of sleep disrupts the natural production cycle of dopamine. Staying up late depletes the brain of so much dopamine, that it cannot produce enough the next morning to make up for what was lost.

 

2. Turn up the music.

Listening to instrumental music has been shown to increase dopamine levels by 9%, and to give you goosebumps. A 9% increase may seem small, but if you're really trying to increase your dopamine levels, give this a try. 

 

Bonus + listening to music can even help improve motor control in people with Parkinson's disease.

 

3. Ohm.

Clearing your mind and focusing on your thoughts are good for more than just dopamine production. Once you get the hang of it, meditation can be practiced anywhere. The statistics are in meditation's favor- dopamine levels can increase by almost 70% after only one hour of meditation. 

 

Increasing Oxytocin Production

1. High tea.

Chamomile is a medicinal herb that naturally increases oxytocin production and lowers cortisol levels in the body. Oxytocin is associated with a number of mental health conditions like anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and borderline personality disorder, so the next time you start to worry, try a cup of chamomile tea or a chamomile supplement. 

 

2. Blue light.

There is definitely some science to support this way of increasing oxytocin production. Behind the third ventricle of the brain, there is a small gland called the pineal gland, and it is responsible for the production of melatonin. Melatonin is responsible for controlling the body's sleep and wake cycles, and when its production is interrupted it can lead to an insufficient amount of oxytocin present in the brain. You may have heard about blue light glasses, they're all the rage right now. Blue light is an extreme suppressant of the body's melatonin production, so wearing blue light glasses significantly help prevent the fall of oxytocin and dopamine levels. Blue light is especially harmful at night, so if you like to sleep with a lamp or nightlight, opt for an amber-toned bulb.

 

Increasing Serotonin Production

1. Shine bright.

Basically, the sun is your friend here. It keeps you looking tan and helps your body produce vitamin D and serotonin. Go on a walk and sit in the sun as often as you can, because bright light naturally encourages your body to produce more serotonin, boosting your mood. 

 

2. Become a fitness mogul.

Exercise more! It will make you look good and feel better- that's a promise. Exercise has so many benefits in general, you can't even count them all. Here's some more science words: intracerebral dialysis has shown that there is a measurable difference in serotonin levels before and after physical activity. Fatigue during exercise is related to an elevated synthesis of tryptophan (a building block for serotonin) in the brain. When exercising, more tryptophan is produced, and less branched chain amino acids (BCAAs) are. BCAAs are responsible for inhibiting tryptophan from getting to the brain, so when they are produced at a lower level, tryptophan can easily travel to the brain and produce serotonin.  

 

3. A health belly is a happy body.

This may surprise you, but 80% of the serotonin in our body exists in the gut. As someone who has struggled with failing gut function for years, I can attest to the importance of serotonin production in the body. Vitamins B6, B12, folate, and saffron are essential to a healthy belly. Taking a probiotic is also important in keeping your gut happy. 

 

4. Go out for Italian.

Consuming simple carbohydrates increases insulin levels that in turn allows for more tryptophan to enter the brain. When tryptophan enters the brain, serotonin is produced. Good news! This means that you shouldn’t be afraid of eating pasta, potatoes, and bread.

 

Increasing Endorphin Production

1. Don't forget to stretch.

Stretching is good for the mind and the body. When you stretch, blood is able to flow to the muscles at a faster rate. Stretching also builds agility in the body, making exercise easier.

 

2. Eat your heart out. 

Yes, I am talking about food again. Vitamin B12, vitamin C, iron, potassium, and zinc play a huge role in your brain’s production of endorphins. Foods rich in these vitamins and minerals are essential to keep your mood up. Feel free to eat all the chocolate, strawberries, protein, and spicy foods you can  get your hands on.

 

3. LOL. literally. 

Try out all your new jokes and get laughing with your friends. When you’re laughing, you’re also releasing powerful endorphins that are actually capable of increasing your pain tolerance.

 

4. ESSENTIAL oils. 

Essential oils and aromatherapy stimulate the body’s nerve cells which release neurotransmitters. Lavender, in particular, lessens anxious feelings and triggers the production of endorphins.

 

Perfect. Now we can all join hands and get to boosting our mood and upping our collection of quotes about happiness.

we broke up

i mean, me and red hair

are trying to

how to face change:

My dearest red hair,

 

I should start by saying, "It's not you, it's me."

No, really, it is me. 

 

It's time for me to go home. Blonde here I come. I knew I would miss you. Take me back.

 

Enough with the jokes, on to what this is really about.  

 

Change is constant and change is unavoidable. Change is moving on, another concept we don't like to think about. 

 

Every day there are things we fall in and out of love with. A Netflix show, a book, a pair of shoes, a hair color in my case. As a society, we're always ready for the newest and brightest and fastest and whatever-est thing out there, but at the same time, we can't stand change.

 

Change is good. Change is growth. Change is evolving. I think the phrase "move on" gets a bit of a bad rep. Moving on has had a negative connotation belted to it for too long. 

 

I know that the fact that I'm trying to change my hair color is minor compared to changes that people face every day, but there is a connection. I didn't realize how slow change really can be. On the other hand, it can be really really quick. Change can also not be what we expected.

 

 

1. Change is unexpected

I walked into the salon with red hair and was expecting to leave as bleach blonde as I had been 5 months ago. Spoiler, that's not what happened. 

 

2. change is quick

Now, I wasn't blonde when I went home from the salon, but I definitely did not have red hair. Bye bye red. 

 

3. change is slow

I have a few blonde highlights here and there, but my hair as a whole? Brown. I have now learned that this blonde recovery process is going to take two more (hard to book) appointments. Now, I could bleach it all in one day, but my hair might fall out. I think I'll wait 16 weeks for my results, hair intact. 

 

4. change may surprise you

Did I want brown hair when I walked into the salon a week ago? Heck no. I wanted to be b l o n d e again. When my stylist told me I wouldn't be able to get the color I came in for, I just knew that I was going to hate my hair for the next few months. Surprise, surprise. It's not half bad.

 

Facing change is associated with giving up control, and to some degree, that is probably true. Releasing control of anything, big or small, is never easy. Being the control freak that I am, I don't like giving up control any more than the next person, but there's something special about taking a step back and letting things just happen. 

 

If you struggle with facing change, put on a brave face (or fake it till you make it), and remember that change is good and change is everywhere. Just last night, how many times did you change to the next episode on Netflix? We're always moving on.

my current obsessions

what i'm all about right now

I don't just like things. I obsess over things, and to say I'm obsessed with these things is an understatement. 

 

1. huge earrings 

 

I like my earring the way I like my hair. Big. Huge. I want my earrings to be so big that they weigh more than I do. 

 

That might be dramatic, but you get the point. Hair up, big earrings. Hair down, big earrings. I just can't get enough of this look. I bought these black tassel earrings about a year ago and just like that, I was hooked. Earrings really are my favorite way to add a pop of color, texture, or sparkle to a look.

 

2. trader joe's face wipes 

 

You know those early mornings and late nights when the last thing you're interested in is washing your face and going through your 15-step skin care regimen? These little-bitty face wipes are soaked in tea tree and witch hazel and have worked a miracle on my skin. I'm finally starting to say bye bye to those pesky blackheads that won't leave me alone. You can find them here on Amazon!

 

3. ulta fake tan 

 

Tanning beds are a no. A big no. I've tried almost every self-tanning product you can get your hands on. None of them compare to the Ulta Tanning Mousse. It's buildable, streak-free, and you won't look like a tangerine an hour after you put it on. *insert yay* But really, this mousse is under $20 and is the best one I've tried so far, and believe me when I say I've tried a lot. Find this here.

 

4. shampoo and conditioner 

 

I have been in a very serious relationship with Redken products for a few years now. I hate to say that I have cheated a few times, and immediately regretted it every. single. time. This is another time I've tried just about every product you can try. My favorite Redken line has been the Color Magnetics set, but I am currently trying out the new Extreme line and I must say, so far so good. It has protein in it if you're into that. There is a shampoo, conditioner, and a ton of other products.

 

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5. sneakers

 

I feel extremely passionate about all shoes, but especially cool sneakers and this pair of high tops. Pink, check. Glitter, check. There's no other box you could ever need to be checked. Dolce Vita knows how to make some pretty cute sneakers, but they really did the most with this pair. The laces even say pretty reckless on them. That's what I would call a good shoe.

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6. beanies 

 

I think that beanies are the best way to add something different to an outfit. My favorite is this one from Target. Love written in sequins is a little extra, maybe borderline tacky, but I like it.  You also feel pretty cool when you wear them. *Sigh* You can't buy this exact beanie anymore, but I'll link some others below.

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7. sweatshirts 

 

I. Love. Sweatshirts. I have more sweatshirts than I can count and I still keep buying them. Some (my dad) would say I have too many. I say I have a growing collection. It's all about your state of mind.

 

8.  j slides 

 

I have a pair of Sam Edelman white slip-ons that I used to live in. They were pushed aside when JSlides came into my closet. I wear these shoes with everything and I have no shame about it. I can't help it. What shoes match this? Oh, these, perfect. I couldn't find the exact ones I have, but these look just like them!

 

9. coats 

 

I live in Alabama. Do I need 50 coats or do I just think I need 50 coats? Don't answer that. I do understand the weather and I am very aware that the temperature (never) rarely falls below 30 degrees, but I don't let that rain on my parade. -> get it, the weather pun? 

 

Bottom line, coats and jackets add something fresh to a look. They take anything you have on to the next, next, next level. We all want to be on that level.

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10. trader joe's vanilla chocolate 

 

Could I talk about things I love without talking about food? This. Chocolate. Is. It. I definitely prefer sour to sweet, but I could eat the entire pack of this chocolate at one time. The shame I don't have for wearing the same pair of shoes every day? Don't you worry, I found it here on my chocolate binge and you can too. Right here.

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if it's not your height, it's something else

- Jeanne Swanner Robertson

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If you don’t know who Jeanne Swanner Robertson is, I didn’t either until yesterday. Jeanne is an Auburn Alpha Gam turned Miss North Carolina turned comedian and speaker. She is 75 years old, still touring, doing shows, and giving speeches. I had the privilege of hearing Jeanne speak at the Auburn Alpha Gamma Delta 80th Anniversary Reunion this weekend. 

 

Going into this day I really didn’t know what to expect. I thought I would meet a handful of alumni and listen to a few women share stories about their time in Alpha Gam, but it was so much more than that. 

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Seeing women that were at Auburn in the 60s and 70s, still laughing and whispering to their friends, made me realize that even though everyone in that (humongous) room had come from all different walks of life, we all had one thing in common. We had all come together to celebrate our friendships, accomplishments, mistakes, and achievements, and that was something really special to be a part of. 

 

Jeanne was the last speaker of the day and little did I know that when she walked on the stage I was in for a (hilarious) treat. She shared how she tries to find humor in every day. 

 

At 72, Jeanne broke her first bone and was in rehabilitation therapy for three months. She laughed and said it was nice that she made it 72 years with all her bones intact. While she was in the hospital, she started watching the infamous Fixer Upper. When she finally got to go home, she had decided that the wall between her kitchen and living room had to go and that the other wall needed to be ship-lapped. She said she learned that from “Chip and Jojo.” That's a good bit of humor to pull from a broken bone.

 

Jeanne said that she was pretty tall for a girl. She was 6’2” and had been since the seventh grade. Jeanne continued to say that if she had been asked at age 13, “how's the weather up there” her response wouldn’t have been the best. Her mom told her not to worry because “those boys would eventually grow.” 

 

Fast forward to her adult life. Her best friend said, “in seventh grade, if it’s not your height, it’s something else.”

 

There will always be someone with something not so nice to say. One of the hardest things to do is to learn to love and accept yourself as you are. I think that the first step in accepting who you are is learning to laugh at yourself. If you can take a step back and realize that no one and nothing is perfect, then you will be able to find humor in everything.

 

Think about what would change if we tried to find one thing to laugh at every day. 

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life is like a box of chocolates the bachelor roses

- Forrest Gump   Savanah Kirchner. 

What's my favorite season? Fall, summer? Think again. I'm here for the season where Monday means something good. By that, I mean The Bachelor season. TGIM (thank goodness it's Monday). 

 

The Bachelor has haters and The Bachelor has obsessive, in it till the end, watch every episode religiously, clear the schedule every Monday night, dedicated fans. I am a proud member of the ladder group. 

 

The Bachelor may be a cheesy, dramatic, teary-eyed-women filled show, but if you think about it - you might have to think hard - there's some value to the unfortunate reality these women pray they get chosen to live.

 

1. Sometimes, you have to fight for what you want. 

Have your own fight song, you're worth it. It's no surprise that some things take a little fight to win. Do you want the last pair of those Golden Goose high tops sitting on the shelf? March over (faster than the other girl) and snatch them. Who said a little competition is a bad thing?

 

2. First impressions aren't everything. 

All you hear is people going on and on about how a first impression will make or break you. False. Debunked. Mythbusters was here. Remember Chelsea from Arie's season? Yeah, me neither. She made a great first impression and then was sent home 5 episodes later. 

 

3. Surprises - you either love them, or you hate them.

There are two types of people in this world. Those that Google "who does Colton pick," and those that throw their hands over their ears if they even THINK you're about to tell them who he ends up with. Hold your fire. I am one of those people. I know who takes home the final rose before the first one has even been given out.

 

4. Sometimes you get rewarded for standing out, so don't be afraid to be yourself.

Life really is cut and paste like The Bachelor here. Be yourself, stand out. Stand out, get the first impression rose.

 

5. Focusing too much on the bad will only make you go crazy.

We all know that the amount of tears shed on The Bachelor could make the ocean overflow. Are these warranted emotions? Of course. Being locked in a house where your only friends are the girls dating YOUR boyfriend would make anyone turn on the waterworks. When you're on The Bachelor, The Bachelor is all you have to focus on. No surprise that everyone goes a little off the deep end sometimes. 

 

6. Everything gets better.

If you follow anyone from The Bachelor on social media, you can see that they live pretty normal lives (normal for lowkey famous people). If you compare the pictures they post today to what they looked like on the show, there's probably a big difference. One of my favorite's from this season is Hannah G. If I didn't follow her on Instagram, I wouldn't be a real fan, and, not to spoil anything, but she's doing perfectly fine today. 

 

5. If it's meant to be, you'll get the rose

 

like, realizing stuff

- Kylie Jenner. 

In the wise words of the infamous reality star turned billion dollar business owner turned teen mom, Kylie Jenner, I've been like, realizing stuff. Like most people, when I came to college I had my eyes set on a completely different path than the one I'm walking right now. I pictured myself as a top-notch law mogul. A real Olivia Pope. Little did I know that those were not the cards I had been dealt.

 

Freshman year I struggled with knowing what I wanted to do with my life.I came to Auburn as an accounting major, and came back after summer break a PR major. No hate to my accountants out there, y’all are smart and good at math. Let me reiterate the necessity of being good at math. The day I walked into business calculus I knew I would not be entering into a love affair with accounting. Fast forward two semesters. you could say I experienced some soul searching (more like my parents were tired of me having my version of a mid-life crisis, and convinced me to make an appointment at my school’s career center). I’ll spare you the boring details of the million personality/career/interest assessments this search for the perfect major entailed, and just tell you that I am proud public relations girl these days (finally) (thank goodness). 

 

I always associated the word passion with things like, “I’m passionate about kids,” or “I’m passionate about helping people.” From my own experience, I didn’t understand how someone could be passionate about what they were studying in school. I’ve always been the type to have fun playing around with different edits and to do some extreme amateur drawing here and there, but it wasn’t until this year that I discovered that you really can be passionate about your major.

 

My interest in PR turned into a love that turned into an obsession. A ~passion.~ As a person that can’t sit still for more than 15 minutes without tapping my foot and getting distracted, it speaks volumes when I say that I can sit on my computer totally immersed in creating new designs and graphics for hours. To me, PR is more than just what I’m studying in college. I have found PR to mean escape, creativity, revolution. Design and branding are not just the creation of a new logo or a new website. The branding of a company, an individual, a brand is a uniquely written story read through graphics, fonts, colors, strategies, and every single element you see on a website, billboard, business card.

 

The PR backbone of a brand is hard to appreciate if you can’t see that deep into a strategy. That’s the beauty in it - PR is seen by all, but only understood by some. 

 

Welcome to the path I am now walking on. (I should say running -  sprinting - full speed ahead) I can’t get enough of design, so come along on my PR journey and see where I end up ending up.

 

 

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